Columbia's Wedding Again
by opheliafrump
Summary: Valentine special! ONE-SHOT. R&R! Columbia and Eddie are renewing their vow...


"It's negative again!" Columbia complained. She threw the pregnancy test on the table.

"Columbia, we eat on the table!" Magenta scorned.

Frank added, "I am glad you know that. I have seen you two having sex on this table many many times." He stared at Riff Raff and Magenta, and those two looked away.

Magenta tried to change topic, "Columbia, just relax. You and Eddie are still young. No worry."

"Frankie has little Lyndsee with Brad and you and Riff Raff have Richard, Patricia and Laura Nell. I want a baby with Eddie so badly. Magenta, do you think it's because Eddie and I are not married?" Columbia asked nervously.

"What?" Frank, Magenta and Riff Raff said in unison, "What are you talking about? We were at your wedding! You went to Disneyland for honeymoon."

"I mean, not formally married," Columbia said, "You don't remember? Eddie and I never exchanged our rings at our wedding. We exchanged the ring after, but not during the ceremony."

"Really?" Magenta asked, "I don't think it matters."

"Of course, it does!" Columbia squealed. Eddie and Rocky just walked into the room, "Eddie! We are getting married again today!" Eddie dropped the pizza on the floor.

Everyone, besides Eddie, loved the idea. What could make Valentine's Day more romantic than a wedding? Dr. Scott wasn't at the original wedding, so he was thrilled to hear the re-enactment.

It was nothing big, just a simple ceremony, taking place in the ballroom. Columbia could still fit in her wedding dress, but Riff Raff did some quick work on Magenta's bridesmaid dress. Cosmo and Nation came as well. It's nice to sneak out of DTV once in a while. Too much sharp-pink decoration on the set would burn their Transylvanian eyes.

Frank walked Columbia down the aisle again, with Magenta as her maid of honor and Nation and Janet as her bridesmaids. It turned out that Cosmo was quite handy making little red dresses as well. Those four girls were like sisters. Riff Raff was the best man again, and Cosmo and Brad were on Eddie's side as groomsmen. Rocky was holding the camera. The babies were put in the chairs as audiences.

Dr. Scott cleared his throat, "We are gathered here today to celebrate..."

"Cut the crap and let's get to the main point!" Frankie said to Dr. Scott, "It's Valentine and I don't want to waste my life listening to speeches." Dr. Scott nodded.

"Eddie, would you like to marry this gorgeous young lady who is totally out of your league? You know you are not quite worthy of her." Dr Scott asked.

"Of course!" Eddie smiled.

"Columbia, would you like to marry my dead-beat nephew? It's your last chance to say no." Dr. Scott joked.

"YES!" Columbia wanted to jump into Eddie's arms and start making out with him, but Dr. Scott separated them.

"Don't forget the ring this time!" He reminded the couple.

"RIGHT!" Columbia said in her high pitch voice. They exchanged ring.

"Happy Valentine and happy anniversary, babe!" Eddie embraced her and locked lips with his bride. Wedding music started playing again. Magenta made out with Riff Raff and Nation kissed Cosmo on the lips. Brad hugged Janet and gave her a soft kiss on the lips.

Columbia threw the boutique and knocked Frank out again. "Rocky, give him CPR," Brad checked out Frank and commanded Rocky.

"What! I am not a sex toy and I don't give CPR! You have a baby with him. You can kiss him good night!" Ricky stormed out. Then everyone just ignored the out-cold prince.

"So, Nation and Magenta, got any tips for getting pregnant?" Columbia asked.

"Tell Eddie to stop smoking and drinking. It kills sperm count."

"You should stop drinking and smoking the magic dope too. Stop eating low fat products. You body only prepares to have a baby when you have enough body fat."

"Have sex two to three times a week."

"And don't use a condom," Magenta added as she knew her friend was a complete idiot.

"Don't use a condom? I thought it protected us from getting STDs?" Columbia asked. Magenta was right... That was the reason Columbia couldn't get pregnant. She was idiot enough to wear a condom when she was trying for a baby.

"It prevents the spread of STDs because it blocks the exchange of body fluid," Nation explained, "That's why it's used as a pregnancy control method. _You don't get pregnant when you wear a condom!_"

"My teacher never taught us in school," Columbia's eyes lighted up, "That's why we kept trying and didn't have a baby!"

"There you go," Nation and Magenta both rolled up their eyes.

In the other side of the room, Riff Raff asked, "So, Eddie, are you ready to be a father?"

"You know, when Columbia and I have a kid or two, we are just going to drop them off at your place all the time," Eddie said.

"No worries, I will send you the bill," Riff Raff joked.

"Babe, let's make some babies!" Eddie lifted Columbia up and brought her to their room.

Riff Raff looked at Magenta and whispered, "Want to make more babies? You know, we can drop off our children at Columbia's house too. When it's six kids vs two kids, we win." They laughed and walked to their rooms.

"Oh, look how irresponsible your parents are!" Janet said to the Vitus triplets and Brad's daughter. Nation, Cosmo, Brad and Janet each carried one baby and walked back to the nursery room. Dr. Scott followed.

This was the time, when Frankie woke up and realized no one cared for him, again, "Oh Rocky!"

= The End? =


End file.
